Disloyalty in Relationships (How to spot disloyalty)

Healthy relationships have certain aspects, certain attributes that contribute to them being healthy. Just as a person’s blood pressure, enzymes, BMI are characteristics of a healthy body. It is nearly impossible to have discourse pertaining to relationships without mentioning trust, love, and loyalty.

If I took a poll asking if loyalty was important in relationship, 100 percent would raise their hand. Yet, it I asked what does loyalty mean, very few would know how to define it. Loyalty is defined as fidelity to a prince or sovereign, or to a husband or lover. Fidelity means careful and exact observance of duty, or performance of obligations; Firm adherence to a person or party with which one is united, or to which one is bound. It could also mean observance of the marriage covenant; as the fidelity of a husband or wife. One last definition is honesty; veracity; and adherence to truth.

Everyone wants those characteristics in a relationship. You want someone who is honest, someone who follows the laws of that particular relationship. Everyone wants faithfulness. We expect fidelity in a public minister, in an agent or trustee, in a domestic servant, or in a friend.

Although many want it, few give it. Relationships are suppose to be reciprocal. They are suppose to be distributed equally, however, many people have a “take it” spirit. Some people are like leeches, they suck the life out of you until you have nothing else to give.

Disloyalty doesn’t just happen overnight. Becoming disloyal is a process and most people are unaware of the fact that they are becoming disloyal. These principles can be applied in business, ministry, or and all types/levels of relationships.

It begins will selfishness. Lets call them Individualist

1. The individualist

When you’re in relationship the parameters or rules are normally set up from the beginning. Lets say you are dating and its exclusive meaning that you are not going to see anyone else but each other. This is understood in a marriage relationship. To the individualist, the rules of the relationship no longer apply. They are still part of the relationship, but they operate independent of the rules set up.

It is understood that you all are not going to call each other late at night and so forth. Or as a married man/women its understand that you are not going to do lunch with a member of the opposite unless it business in an open setting.

The individualist say, “I’m gonna call you anyways.” The married individualist say, “I will do lunch with them anyways.”

There is nothing wrong with being independent, but if you are a part of a group, a company, a relationship, a church, you should not act independent in that respect.

2. The “Fence” man (One who is in offence)

Many times offence occurs because one person in the relationship addresses the independent behavior. If not addressed, hate begins to harbor in the person’s heart. Many people who are offended have been hurt. Hurting people hurt other people. This is why if you have been hurt in a relationship, it is best to have a season of singleness. In this season you need to heal. It was hurt that that may have caused Absalom to rebel like he did. First, he was hurt when his half brother raped his sister and he was hurt by his father David when he didn’t take action against Amnon his half brother. When people are hurt and offended in any kind relationship, it becomes a breading ground for disloyalty, unfaithfulness.

Right after offence is:

3. The Apathetic person

This person becomes inactive in the relationship. They don’t want to go out to eat or they don’t want to do anything creative. They do not want to be apart of the relationship any longer, but they still stay.

· This is the person at the company that’s goes off to themselves, when they use to be outgoing and energetic.

· This is the person in the church who is uninvolved who use to be involved. When they do participate, it deceitful and has hidden agenda. (Jeremiah 48:10)

God expects you to be involved in a relationship. It not good in God site to sit back when you have something to put in. Passivity in any relationship is dangerous because it leaves room to be critical. The person who is uninvolved in a relationship rarely sees the their own fault. It’s the bystander who sees the worker digging a crooked ditch. You can tell when a person is in this stage because they get quiet. When your man gets quiet, it’s a sign that something isn’t right. When your supervisor gets quiet and its not talking to you, it’s a sign that something may not be right. When Absalom who became one of the most disloyal people in the bible, look what he did:

2 Samuel 13:22 But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.

· Be careful of people who ain’t got nothing to say about nothing!

Note that Absalom eventually went on to have Amnon murdered (2 Samuel 13:28). Most disloyal people go on to murder the reputation of the person of whom they were in a relationship. The person who is about to break up with you, leave you in the marriage, leave your company, split the company will not always be apathetic. Sometimes they skip apathy and become critical.

4. The Critic

The Critic seems to notice and magnify faults. Maybe if you made more money, we would not be in this situation. Maybe, if the pastor did it this way, we be more progressive. The house sure is dirty. Maybe if you didn’t watch so much TV, it would be cleaner. Criticism is the favorite pastime of untrained children and unaccomplished adults.

Numbers 12:1 Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married (for he had married a Cushite woman)

· Being critical is often masked in concerned.

5. The Politician

This is when they involve others in the situation by including poisoned conjecture and outlandish opinions. This person wants to involve others by gathering a following to make people believe that they have identified the real problem and that it must be addressed. This is when the wife called their mother and sister and form and alliance against a cause. This is when the guy involves his friend to takes sides or a lady involves her girlfriends who by the way never have a man. This is when the boss involves other upper level management to get them to see what they are seeing. This is when the employee engages in coffee pot talk to form and alliance against upper level management.

Absalom sat at the gate of the city. When anyone came to see the king with problems he would listen to them carefully and sympathize with them. “It’s a pity that the king doesn’t have time for you today.” If I was king I would….

• Lets pray for our pastor. He can’t talk to you. He is always busy.

If I was pastor I would….

Absalom was hurt (offended), then he said nothing for two years (apathetic), then he became judgmental (critical) of his fathers policy. He then formed an alliance with the people who came to see the king (the politician).

In this manner Absalom dealt with all Israel who came to the king for judgment; so Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel. (2 Samuel 15:6)

The politician wants to give others their chain of thought.

6. Deception

This is when the person begins to lie. If you are in business relationship this is when they began to cut side deals.

Deception enters in at the most vulnerable point of the relationship. The person in a marriage begins to think they could do better if they were in a relationship with someone else. The person in business begins to think; if I didn’t have a partner I could maximize my profits.

Deception is a trick of the enemy. (John 8:44)

Disloyalty is prevalent in man relationships today. The ironic part about disloyal people is that they stay with you for a long time instead of just leaving. Look at these principles and determine whether disloyalty is knocking at your door!

Love,

Pastor Rich

The Sleeping Church

Revelations 3:1 "To the angel of the church in Sardis write: He who has the seven Spirits of God and the seven stars, says this: `I know your deeds, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. 2 `Wake up, and strengthen the things that remain, which were about to die; for I have not found your deeds completed in the sight of My God.

Today, I tweeted “I would love to give someone a car, or house, or tuition. Needless to say, my timeline went crazy with people responding to such a “Kingdom” statement. People with authentic needs responded with their mortgage amounts in which they had fallen behind. People responded indicating they wanted to go back to school and needed transportation to keep a job.

As I read the amalgamation of responses, I wondered where these individuals attended church, if they went. I began to click on some of their pages and saw their tweets and info about them and noticed that most were Christians.

They were Christians but in crisis.

Each week, The Word Center is bombarded with calls from people with needs. Sadly, these individuals attend churches with monthly budgets that exceed The Word Center’s yearly budget. Where are their churches?

The scripture in Revelation above referenced that churches are sleeping. I believe that they are also lulling people to sleep with irrelevant doctrine, music ensembles, and nonexistent vision.

• People are continuing to suffer financially, while the church is sleeping.

• People are continuing to suffer in their marriages, while churches are sleeping.

• People are continuing to suffer mentally, emotionally, psychologically and the church is sound asleep.

Wake up! The spiritual alarm clock should be the amount of Christians that no longer go to church because they knocked on the door of desperation and their church did not answer.

They were sleeping!

Wake up! The spiritual alarm clock should be the youth who have gone astray. They knocked on the door asking for help, but their parents were busy being deacons but not beacons in their home.

They were sleeping!

Wake up! The spiritual alarm clock should be the amount of Christian marriages faltering because of adultery, dishonor, or disconnect. They went to the pastor for help, but he was so busy with his mistress that he couldn't minister reconciliation.

WAKE UP! HE IS COMING!

Love and Peace

Pastor Rich

When God Gives You a Dream

When God speaks to you, He speaks in various ways. One way He speaks is through dreams. In scripture, dreams were sometimes impressions on the minds of sleeping persons, made by divine agency. God came to Abimelech in a dream. Daniel had a dream. Gideon had a dream.

The story of Joseph paints a descriptive picture of a young man with a dream. Despite relational issues with his brothers, despite parental favoritism of his father, despite the family mess, Joseph still had dream.

• No matter where you came from or what others have done to you, they can’t stop you from dreaming.

You know the story. Joseph had a dream that one day his brothers would bow down to him. He did dream it. God did give it to him. You know the end. They ended up bowing down to him. But there was something that was a trip about the whole situation!

There was no where in the text, where God said tell the dream. Sometimes, when God gives you something, you need to sit on it for while. There is something called deam killers! I remember telling my dream of “The Word” Center to someone that I thought was close to me. They took the information and used it to their advantage. I received so much persecution as a result.

• There are some people who don’t have dreams of their own, so they spend all their time and resources trying to kill yours!

In telling your dreams and aspirations to dream killers, they are quick to bring up who you are. You grew up over there (where you grew up). Your momma wasn’t nothing. They remind you of your economic situation. They remind you of your educational attainment. They remind you of the kids you had out of wedlock. They remind you of your previous marriages!

• Who people say you are is not what God calls you.

My Dream of Ministry

Several years ago, I had a dream. A dreamt of building a ministry for all people. This type of ministry that would help people regardless of their membership, fellowship, friendship, stewardship, or relationship. I wanted to build a ministry that would help people without bureaucracy . As The Word Center approaches 1-year old, I reflect on what God has done through the members of “The Word.” We have:

• Purchased jerseys for an entire football team
• Gave incentives such as gift cards and laptops to high achieving students
• Homeless project that blessed literally hundreds of the homeless and underprivileged during the coldest months
• Book bag and school supply distribution
• Bought snacks for JPS students during SATP testing
• Numerous benevolences to members of “The Word” and members of other churches
• Many other charitable acts that undergird the fundamental purpose of “The Word.”

In 11 months, we have done Jesus ministry. Matthew 25:35-36 states “I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.”

As I write this blog, I am amazed at ordinary people pulling together to accomplish Kingdom work. As we turn to the next chapter of “The Word,” I stand in tip-toe anticipation of what God will do in Year 2! Sit back and watch our God!

Love,

Pastor Rich

The Blessing Behind Closed Doors

Jesus in the scripture encountered rejection. He had something to offer. He something to give. No matter how great it was or no matter how it would have helped those he offered to help, they rejected it. They closed the door in the face of the Savior!

We’ve all had some closed doors in our lives. Many of us fail to see the providential blessing behind the closed doors and adopt an attitude that will allow us to move beyond surviving to thriving. You have to come to a point of realization that the doors that God closed, opened up an opportunity for you to be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.

I have had many closed doors in my life. In 2010, a year to the day of this post, there were major shifts and changes that took place. As a result of a those changes, God taught me many lessons from which I believe you can learn.

First, you have to understand that anytime there is a major change, its causes you to grieve. Change in jobs, change in relationships, change in marital status, or change in health are examples of catalyst that can cause grief.

When an individual has not addressed the grief and the pain of their past, it comes out sideways in anger, violence, overworking, abuse of some kind, and all sorts of unhealthy behavior. Your ability to think normally is weakened by the poignant memories of experiences gone-by, especially in relationships.

In 2010, I worked for a particular church in Jackson, Ms. I was escorted out with an armed guard one morning. I didn’t steal anything. I didn’t do anything morally wrong. I didn’t touch anyone inappropriate. I was responsible for nearly 70% of ministry operations, which included youth, helps department, dean of education for their college, special projects, etc. I was competent in all that I did. I was not upset at the actions of this company. I saw God’s providential blessing in it!

Understand that sometimes we do not have the courage to leave certain situations, so God will close a door and make them leave you. If you’re reading this, you should shout that they left you, that they fired you, that they walked out of your life!

Here are some of the lessons I learned:

1. Don’t dwell in the place where you had been dumped. They moved on and so should you. To hold a grudge or be angry gives the person or place permission to prevent peace in your life.

2. Don’t trust them, trust HIM. Too many of us put our trust in people. Love, people, respect people, teach people, help people, but only put 100% of your trust in God. There is no worse hurt than to be hurt by someone that says I love you. Hurt People hurt people.

• Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

When an individual has been hurt and does not grieve and work through the hurt, chances are high they will hurt someone else. Contrary to popular belief, its really not the passing of time that heals us, its what we do in that time. The sting may become less server as time wears, but if grief is not addressed, it will come to us again and most of the time when you least expect it.

• Its not good to hook up with someone right out of a relationship.

• When your heart is broke your head don’t work. Isaiah 1:5-6 “5 Where will you be stricken again, As you continue in your rebellion? The whole head is sick And the whole heart is faint. 6 From the sole of the foot even to the head There is nothing sound in it, Only bruises, welts and raw wounds, Not pressed out or bandaged, Nor softened with oil.”

God was trying to close door for me, all that was in me said fight it. Egypt-God closed the doors to slavery for the Israelites and they wanted to go back in. God simply told them to follow me to an infinite future. If you are reading this, follow the fire by night and the cloud by day.

3. Don't try to make fit, someone who may not be fit for you anymore

Sometimes immaturity blinds us to the reality of rejection. Understand rejection is many times Gods protection.

Matthew 10:14 "Whoever does not receive you, nor heed your words, as you go out of that house or that city, shake the dust off your feet. “

The best thing they could have done for me was get rid of me. Had they never fired me, I would have never left, and had I never left I would have never walked in my purpose. The birth of the “The Word” Center would have been a distant dream. Through "The Word" 1000's accross the WORLD have been blessed through our Iphone App, through our local television broadcast, and social mediums.

o When they abandoned me, they blessed me!

Have you carefully considered the closed doors of your life? Consider how many setbacks you encountered that ended up being setups for something greater. God has a tendency to bless us in strange ways.

Sometimes destiny dresses up in denial’s clothes. You have no idea that what appears to be denial is actually destiny in costume.

Look for that blessing behind the closed doors in your life!

Peace and Love

Pastor Rich