Is The Black Family Dead?

As I sit here among my extended family, I can't help but reflect on the rich traditions of the black family. Regardless of ones social economic status, locality, or background of the African American family, there is a hubris of rich tradition that exist during the holidays.

Food

During the holidays, walk into any African American home and a sweet aroma will connect with your nostrils and stimulate your taste buds. Traditionally, the matriarchs could be found mentoring the young ladies to ensure consistency and congruency of recipes passed down from the sages of the ages. Rich dishes like turkey dressing, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, sweet potatoes, greens and homemade cornbread are some of those dishes you'll find resting in the bellies of relatives. 

History indicates that food is deeply interwoven in fabric of African American culture. Slaves would meet up on the plantations in a potluck type fashion. Each family bore their favorite dish as the men would discuss historical plantation relics and the women would share their struggles, strengths, and strategies of survival.  It didn't matter, that their teenage son was beaten by master or Johnny was hung while attempting to flee to the north to escape the perils of plantation life. Life was hard, but food made them temporarily suspend the disparaging conditions that existed in their lives. 

Today, tracings of our rich traditions still exist as families gather in a central location over large pots of food with family.  Although, it's more difficult to collectively meet due to the expansive and more fragmented families, many people still make concerted efforts to fellowship with the family during the holidays. 

Family 

Family was and still is the centerpiece of the African American tradition. If your family is remotely close to mine, it consists of more characters than Disney's Frozen. My family is filled with dysfunctional behaviors and contagious laughter. As I around, uncle Leroy is outside smoking Newport shorts. Aunt Essie has spiked her tea with the beverage pulled from the purple bag. She is simultaneously rocking from the Bobby Blue Bland and tipping the red cup. Eventually words will fly and so will tempers, but all of it is done with  unconditionally love for one another. You know your cue to leave is when uncle and aunt start overtaking one another and you've eaten your second plate. 

Fellowship

The fellowship is marked by even more rich traditions. First, dominoes could be heard miles away as drunk uncle Joe slams the table to claim his 25 points in the third house to win the game. On the other side of the room you hear an occasional smack and slap followed by "noise talking." Two things can pervasively be found in African American American households; baking soda and playing cards. Whether your game is spades, biz whiz, or pity pack, fellowship wouldn't be complete without a set of cards. While parents are cursing wildly, kids can be seen with the one toy they were allowed to take to the family's home. The holidays aren't complete without the men crowded around the television to view the holiday basketball or football games. 

There is nothing like holidays.  No matter how dysfunctional, no one else from the outside can talk about us because you'll get shot! There is simply nothing like family. Enjoy your family while they are still here. 

Is family dead? Not a chance! 

Be blessed! 

Pastor Rich 

I'm Single Because of Social Media

We all have seen it! We've seen some person ranting and raving on social media. You scroll through their posts and realize that this person has to be emotionally unstable. After lurking their page and scrolling through their pictures without mistakenly hitting "like" on a two-year old picture, you realize that that this person is too attractive to be single, yet, they are. 

Dating has evolved. People use to be relegated to information that a person gives about himself or herself during a date or some social outing. This is not the case in the 21st Century. With a wealth of information on the super highway called the Internet, one can now investigate without instigating critical questions. One can find likes, dislikes, hobbies, frequent places (because we feel the need to check-in everywhere), information about kids, job, and emotional stability. The word declares that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. So if you post it, it is probably apart of who you are. There are some things singles need to work on in regards to social media. I hope this help singles that believe they should at least be dating but are not.

1. DON'T BE SO JUDGMENTAL

Guys hate to be corrected all the time. It makes them feel like they are dating their mom. Understand that when you date someone, you must be willing to accept their flaws and ALL. After all, everyone has them. You have to be willing to negotiate and toggle between what you will tolerate and what you will not. If you are constantly attacking others on social media then the person who is watching will believe that you have an attacking personality. If you attack others, therefore you will attack them. So soften your tone and be willing to allow people to be themselves.

2. DON'T POST REVEALING IMAGES

We've all seen it. Scantily dressed people in their profile pictures. They are eye candy for sure. Let me rephrase that. SOME are very attractive. This is great! However, who wants someone that everybody else has seen naked or partially naked? Also, your attire or lack of reveals a lot about your self-esteem. It says I have to show the world my body maybe to hide my lack of intelligence. A person needs to fall in love with you mentally as well as physically. It also reduces your worth. I've heard ladies say, "All they want is my body." Well, that's what you are presenting. While fishing one time we dropped bloody bait in the water to attract tuna. The tuna came up but were chased away by the sharks. If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by people that you're not trying to catch, change your bait and hide those boobs.

3. DON'T POST PICTURES OF YOUR PERSONAL SPACE

We've all seen this. Some people post too much of their personal living quarters on social media. First, there is the infamous bathroom pic. Tampons and Maxi pads invaded the camera with an occasional roach photo bombing have graced many bathroom pictures. Also, we've all seen the junky bedroom selfies. This tells the onlookers that you are not a neat and organized person. This type of behavior is linked to low income, which means that you’re probably not self-sufficient. People logically deduce opinion based on the posts you make.  Lastly, understand that not all of your followers are saved, sanctified, and Kentucky Fried. Many people have malicious intent. You just posted a picture of that nice 65-inch 4k television right above your check-in at your home. Some criminal now has your house on his Christmas list because you posted that you were leaving town during the holidays.

4.  DON'T LEAVE PICTURE OF YOUR EX POSTED 

Yes, you've dated for 6 years and endured a heart-wrenching breakup. Why do you still have pictures of them on your page? It makes a potential mate think you still have feelings for your ex. Secondly, it may even deter people from approaching you. Those pictures have become “mate repellant.” Unless you have a story attached, remove pictures, and let them live in the past or they will impact your present and future.

5. DON'T BE SO EMOTIONAL! CALM DOWN! Have you ever scrolled down someone's timeline and realized that they must be on medications or forgot to take them? We all have. The bottom line is that everything that comes to your mind shouldn't come out of your mouth. Your timeline reveals that you probably will end up on an episode of snapped or First 48. No one wants to deal with that. Control your temper and think before you hit send.

  6. DON’T PRESENT YOURSELF AS PERFECT We all know this one super spiritual person on social media. They post more scriptures and often start sentences by saying, “The Lord told me” or "I sense in my spirit."  This is a problem for singles. It makes you unapproachable.  People are trying to get to know you as a person, not your spirit. Additionally, no one wants to date the nun from the local Catholic Dioceses you attended in the summer of 1995. The truth is, you can be a great asset to someone, but put down the scripture and learn to converse like normal people. If they are believers, God will definitely be in the conversation, but your date won’t feel like a bible study or dating the Pope.

 I hope this helps...Part II coming soon! Follow me on Instagram and Twitter @Richwisdom Pastor Rich @richwisdom