Disloyalty in Relationships (How to spot disloyalty)

Healthy relationships have certain aspects, certain attributes that contribute to them being healthy. Just as a person’s blood pressure, enzymes, BMI are characteristics of a healthy body. It is nearly impossible to have discourse pertaining to relationships without mentioning trust, love, and loyalty.

If I took a poll asking if loyalty was important in relationship, 100 percent would raise their hand. Yet, it I asked what does loyalty mean, very few would know how to define it. Loyalty is defined as fidelity to a prince or sovereign, or to a husband or lover. Fidelity means careful and exact observance of duty, or performance of obligations; Firm adherence to a person or party with which one is united, or to which one is bound. It could also mean observance of the marriage covenant; as the fidelity of a husband or wife. One last definition is honesty; veracity; and adherence to truth.

Everyone wants those characteristics in a relationship. You want someone who is honest, someone who follows the laws of that particular relationship. Everyone wants faithfulness. We expect fidelity in a public minister, in an agent or trustee, in a domestic servant, or in a friend.

Although many want it, few give it. Relationships are suppose to be reciprocal. They are suppose to be distributed equally, however, many people have a “take it” spirit. Some people are like leeches, they suck the life out of you until you have nothing else to give.

Disloyalty doesn’t just happen overnight. Becoming disloyal is a process and most people are unaware of the fact that they are becoming disloyal. These principles can be applied in business, ministry, or and all types/levels of relationships.

It begins will selfishness. Lets call them Individualist

1. The individualist

When you’re in relationship the parameters or rules are normally set up from the beginning. Lets say you are dating and its exclusive meaning that you are not going to see anyone else but each other. This is understood in a marriage relationship. To the individualist, the rules of the relationship no longer apply. They are still part of the relationship, but they operate independent of the rules set up.

It is understood that you all are not going to call each other late at night and so forth. Or as a married man/women its understand that you are not going to do lunch with a member of the opposite unless it business in an open setting.

The individualist say, “I’m gonna call you anyways.” The married individualist say, “I will do lunch with them anyways.”

There is nothing wrong with being independent, but if you are a part of a group, a company, a relationship, a church, you should not act independent in that respect.

2. The “Fence” man (One who is in offence)

Many times offence occurs because one person in the relationship addresses the independent behavior. If not addressed, hate begins to harbor in the person’s heart. Many people who are offended have been hurt. Hurting people hurt other people. This is why if you have been hurt in a relationship, it is best to have a season of singleness. In this season you need to heal. It was hurt that that may have caused Absalom to rebel like he did. First, he was hurt when his half brother raped his sister and he was hurt by his father David when he didn’t take action against Amnon his half brother. When people are hurt and offended in any kind relationship, it becomes a breading ground for disloyalty, unfaithfulness.

Right after offence is:

3. The Apathetic person

This person becomes inactive in the relationship. They don’t want to go out to eat or they don’t want to do anything creative. They do not want to be apart of the relationship any longer, but they still stay.

· This is the person at the company that’s goes off to themselves, when they use to be outgoing and energetic.

· This is the person in the church who is uninvolved who use to be involved. When they do participate, it deceitful and has hidden agenda. (Jeremiah 48:10)

God expects you to be involved in a relationship. It not good in God site to sit back when you have something to put in. Passivity in any relationship is dangerous because it leaves room to be critical. The person who is uninvolved in a relationship rarely sees the their own fault. It’s the bystander who sees the worker digging a crooked ditch. You can tell when a person is in this stage because they get quiet. When your man gets quiet, it’s a sign that something isn’t right. When your supervisor gets quiet and its not talking to you, it’s a sign that something may not be right. When Absalom who became one of the most disloyal people in the bible, look what he did:

2 Samuel 13:22 But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.

· Be careful of people who ain’t got nothing to say about nothing!

Note that Absalom eventually went on to have Amnon murdered (2 Samuel 13:28). Most disloyal people go on to murder the reputation of the person of whom they were in a relationship. The person who is about to break up with you, leave you in the marriage, leave your company, split the company will not always be apathetic. Sometimes they skip apathy and become critical.

4. The Critic

The Critic seems to notice and magnify faults. Maybe if you made more money, we would not be in this situation. Maybe, if the pastor did it this way, we be more progressive. The house sure is dirty. Maybe if you didn’t watch so much TV, it would be cleaner. Criticism is the favorite pastime of untrained children and unaccomplished adults.

Numbers 12:1 Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married (for he had married a Cushite woman)

· Being critical is often masked in concerned.

5. The Politician

This is when they involve others in the situation by including poisoned conjecture and outlandish opinions. This person wants to involve others by gathering a following to make people believe that they have identified the real problem and that it must be addressed. This is when the wife called their mother and sister and form and alliance against a cause. This is when the guy involves his friend to takes sides or a lady involves her girlfriends who by the way never have a man. This is when the boss involves other upper level management to get them to see what they are seeing. This is when the employee engages in coffee pot talk to form and alliance against upper level management.

Absalom sat at the gate of the city. When anyone came to see the king with problems he would listen to them carefully and sympathize with them. “It’s a pity that the king doesn’t have time for you today.” If I was king I would….

• Lets pray for our pastor. He can’t talk to you. He is always busy.

If I was pastor I would….

Absalom was hurt (offended), then he said nothing for two years (apathetic), then he became judgmental (critical) of his fathers policy. He then formed an alliance with the people who came to see the king (the politician).

In this manner Absalom dealt with all Israel who came to the king for judgment; so Absalom stole away the hearts of the men of Israel. (2 Samuel 15:6)

The politician wants to give others their chain of thought.

6. Deception

This is when the person begins to lie. If you are in business relationship this is when they began to cut side deals.

Deception enters in at the most vulnerable point of the relationship. The person in a marriage begins to think they could do better if they were in a relationship with someone else. The person in business begins to think; if I didn’t have a partner I could maximize my profits.

Deception is a trick of the enemy. (John 8:44)

Disloyalty is prevalent in man relationships today. The ironic part about disloyal people is that they stay with you for a long time instead of just leaving. Look at these principles and determine whether disloyalty is knocking at your door!

Love,

Pastor Rich